"ask: who am i?
then ask again until the heart has nothing to protect."
Ask: "Who am I?"
Then ask again until the heart has nothing to protect.
Hello! I'm Jordan Andrew Jefferson.
I was born on the 19th of June in 1983. I am a man living with autism. However difficult this has been, I am thankful for the perspective it has given me. Throughout my life, I have devoted my energies to many passions. I was an active and dedicated songwriter and performer from an early age until I developed tinnitus in 2016, just months after releasing my most acclaimed musical work. I am also a former early childhood educator with ten years of experience. I will forever cherish the joys I encountered throughout these endeavors with fondness. I am also a recovering anorexic well on his way to a lifetime of delicious and nutritious vegan meals. I have been living vegan since 2006, and I can't imagine choosing to live any other way. I am also a self-identified Zen Buddhist who profoundly appreciates the wisdom and structure of its traditions, illuminating each step I take. Also, I am openly bisexual, having been so since my mid-twenties.
Additionally, I am a divorced individual living alone after nearly ten years together, who has once again fallen in love with the joy, wonder, and creativity of solitude. I remain thankful for each experience and what it taught me about who I am. I am also a son, a brother, and a friend, and often, I find myself stepping into many other roles — each cherished and marveled with great amusement, however considerable or brief they may be. You, however, might not know me at all. Consider this my invitation.
These words, however many and meaningful, do not define nor limit the love that I am and the love I share. They have, however, shaped the path that has led me to an awareness of this love. This love left me with nothing to protect, and it is calling out to you. Can we explore our vulnerabilities openly and honestly? I’m not implying we share every thought with everyone, but rather becoming aware of our thoughts and how they affect who we believe ourselves to be so that when the opportunity presents itself to share with someone trusted, we will be ready—ready to share and listen—to partake in the communion of vulnerable love.
I’ve created this platform so I can share openly and honestly with you — what scares me, what excites me, and all the many other things that may float through the sky of my mind at any unexpected moment. To quote Zen Buddhist monk, peace activist, author, poet, and teacher Thich Nhat Hahn, “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” I hope that when sharing my vulnerabilities, you might be encouraged to do the same, and when you are, I want to be ready to listen and partake in the communion of your intimacy with trust and respect. To do that, I must remain vulnerable with myself and others when it matters most.
If I’m not the one you wish to contact when you need it most, I hope you become encouraged to find someone trusted with whom you can share and heal. More often than not, this requires us to take the first step and stand radically alone, taking an honest look at who we think we are. From there, we begin sharing our discoveries with others. We don’t have to do this alone. Sharing together can help us heal. We must accept what we see when we honestly look at ourselves and the world around us. However terrifying it may seem, what we encounter will not go away until it’s finished teaching us what we need to learn. While finally looking at it all may be painful and frightening, isn't it far more painful to carry the weight of who we think we must be each moment?
For me, this is a matter of life and death. If I do not share my feelings, I know the danger I am in, as they become buried beneath the weight of each new challenge I encounter. When this weight becomes unbearable, I begin to believe there is no way I can find peace. I am a suicide survivor. Practicing mindfulness allows me to observe my thoughts closely and gives me the confidence to share them more freely! Should I worry about how others will perceive me when my life is at stake? I already know the worst that can happen. I also know the best that can happen — we all heal. Are we really that attached to our suffering and pain?
Zen Monk, author and punk rock bassist Brad Warner, wrote that “Real wisdom is the ability to understand the incredible extent to which you bullshit yourself every single moment of every day.” This journey will consume all you believe yourself to be and all you think about the world around you. It will, however, in return, give you everything you’ve ever desired.